On the few occasions I did manage to concentrate on other things I felt guilty and insecure afterwards. I suppose all girls in the throes of their first love go through similar pains, but for me it was doubly hard not being able to talk to anyone about the way I felt. Most girls confide in their best friend or even their mother but with Mike and my relationship so obviously forbidden even these outlets weren’t available to me and with him still away at uni with no phone, I often felt terribly alone. And on top of the whole emotional girlfriend / boyfriend turmoil there was the increasingly undeniable fact that in his bed I had tasted real, highly pleasurable, passionate, orgasm-inducing sex for the first time, only to have it taken away again almost immediately. I had been surprised just how badly I wanted to re-live that incredible experience and how often I imagined myself climaxing at his hands again. Over the previous three weeks, in an attempt to feel closer to Mike, I had found. I thought I was helping, doing the right thing, but from what you say, the one decision that I thought I’d got right was as wrong as all the others I’ve ever made. I’m bloody useless.’ I sighed deeply. ‘Could you tell Carla I’m sorry?’ ‘No.’ I looked up in surprise. ‘No, I think you’d do better to tell her yourself.’ Tina grinned. ‘Will she even want to see me after I just upped and left?’ ‘You’d be surprised. She talks about you a lot.’ She smirked. ‘Come on, tidy yourself up and I’ll take you home.’ ‘Home?’ ‘Flatmates remember?’ ‘Oh, yeah, right.’ ‘Hey Carla, I’ve brought someone to see you.’ Tina called out as she opened the front door to her flat. ‘It’s not one of your strange university mates is it?’ A voice that I’d missed hearing for twenty years called back from the kitchen. ‘Nope,’ Tina laughed, ‘just some lost soul who claims to know you.’ ‘Someone who knows me?’ Carla said, coming out into the small hallway while drying her hands with a tea-towel. As she saw me she stopped.
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